Sexual assault is a huge topic in the media today.
For many men and women, it is bringing up memories of their past experiences of sexual assault. It has also brought up the topic of why women (and men) don’t report sexual assault when it occurs.
Here’s my story, and I hope that by me sharing my story you feel more empathetic towards those who chose not to report their assault. And maybe you’ll feel more comfortable knowing that there are so many other people who made the same choice as you.
Not too long after the semester began I went to a frat party with some friends. It was a typical Friday night. Everyone was at least a little drunk but most people were extremely drunk. This guy and I started dancing together and while we may stop for a little while throughout the night we kept going back to each other. So eventually, we leave the party together.
Now I know what you’re probably thinking, ‘you were both drunk.’ This is true. And at this point, I was not being taken advantage of. As we get into the second part of this story, I had consented to everything.
We begin to have sex. I told him that he needed to wear a condom. He tried to convince me that he didn’t need one, but eventually, he put one on. Throughout this encounter, he kept trying to take the condom off, and continue having sex with me without the condom. Once I realized this, I told him to stop. And he didn’t stop. I told him to stop again. And he didn’t stop. I told him to stop, pushed him off of me. Then he stopped and passed out drunk. I looked down and realized that my vagina was bleeding. I got dressed and walked out of his room. I ran into one of his friends and his roommate. We talked for a few minutes and his friend drove me across campus to my dorm.
Once I was at my dorm I took a shower and crawled into bed, realizing it was 3 in the morning.
That night I wasn’t focused on what had happened to me. I kept trying to minimize and excuse what had happened. As I was talking to some people I’m close to, I realized that what happened was wrong. That I had been assaulted. And I was able to start working through those emotions.
I saw him twice last week. Luckily both times I was with friends, and I felt relatively safe. The second time he was trying to get into the frat I was in, and I almost started panicking. He left. I don’t think he saw me. Hell, I don’t know if he even remembers what happened between us.
But, I didn’t report what happened to me. Does that dimish the impact it’s had on me? Most definitely not.
Why I didn’t report:
- I didn’t want to admit what happened to me was wrong
- I thought that I had done something wrong
- I didn’t want to ruin his life
- I didn’t want to have the stigma attached to me of “Oh, she’s the girl who was assaulted”
- I knew that there was no way I could prove what happened. It would have been my word against his
Why didn’t you report?